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A wedding that almost wasn’t

Sudbury Living Magazine June 20, 2016 Blogs, Joe Lascelles No Comments

A few summers ago, my niece announced that she was getting married. We knew little about her fiancé Tom except that he was 34 and still living with his parents. A photo of him showed that his hair line had already receded north quite a bit.

Automatic Red Flair! Why would a 34-year old man who should be on his own still live with his parents?

When I broached the subject with my dear wife, she gave me an evil eye that said; “Please mind your business and don’t bring up the subject with your sister.” I kept the matter to myself but it was hard to stop gnawing on that huge bone of contention.

Finally the wedding day was here and my wife and I made our entrance into my sister’s cottage which had taken the appearance of Westminster Abbey for a royal wedding. After clinking a few glasses of bubbly, it was time to make our way outside and await the beginning of the ceremony.

Oh what a beautiful sight it was! The curved arbor strategically sitting on the wide gravel path was loaded with ribbons and a multitude of roses. The groom, his attendants and the officiating minister were lined up on one side awaiting the bride and her attendants.

Suddenly a whiff of acrid odor pervaded the entire area. Lifting our eyes we saw it coming jauntily down the gravel path heading directly for the arbor. For all of its bad reputation, a skunk is a beautiful animal with its white stripes from head to fluffy raised tail.

First the bridegroom, then the attendants followed closely by the minister took off for the cottage at speeds that would have put Ben Johnson and Hussein Bolt to shame. No one else dared to move lest we trigger the unstable scent glands on that pussy cat.

Suddenly the skunk turned and made its way to the cottage where it crawled under the wide deck. The bride was crying, the maid-of-honor was crying, the mother-of-the-bride was crying, the groom was sniffling. It was not a pretty sight. The ceremony was to start at one but here it was three and the skunk held every one prisoner.

All of a sudden the skunk decided to pack it in. It had had enough fun for one day. The ceremony was back on. The bride was radiant and the sun gleamed brightly on the groom’s semi-denuded head.
Following the wedding dinner, the father of the groom toasted the young couple. “My dear newlyweds, while the afternoon began as a smelly affair, it did turn into the most beautiful wedding I have ever attended. Thank God we got rid of the skunk, and now at last we got rid of Tom.”

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